Last week, we were able to see you in your last ultrasound. We were checking to see what kinds of specific sicknesses you have so that we can make sure you get the right medicine. It looks like you have a little hole on the inside of your heart. Daddy and I were prepared for that, and we have had long talks about what would be best for you. We have decided that we will not make you go through any 'ouchy' surgeries right after being born. Instead, we are going to give you a little bit of air for 2 minutes to help you take a first breath, and then we are going to cuddle you close, and kiss you, and tell you how much we love you. Daddy is going to give you a special blessing, in which he will put his hands on your head and listen very carefully to what Heavenly Father wants him to tell you. It's like your daddy in Heaven telling your daddy on Earth about how special you are, and the plan he has for you. I am so happy that Daddy has practiced talking to Heavenly Father all his life, and knows what his voice sounds like, so that he can feel worthy to give you this special gift.
Your ultrasound also revealed some parts of your body that were not so serious. You see, your sister looks EXACTLY like Daddy, just prettier. I was kind of hoping you would look a bit like me...but Daddy's dominating genes have trumped yet again. The doctor measured your head and said it was just as big as any other baby which is not usually what happens when you're sick. Also, your arms and legs are a tiny bit smaller than they should be. Your chin will be little, and you will have a pot-belly. Some of your fingers may be strait instead of curled up. The doctor told us this carefully, thinking we might be sad, but I just giggled. You are a daddy's girl...I could not have described your father's physical attributes better myself! Daddy's head is really, really big...so it totally makes sense that the statistics for your having Microcephaly mixed with daddy genes would give you a normal head:-) Also, if you pay really close attention to daddy's hands (especially when he walks fast), some of his fingers don't curl- they just stick strait out and up. I like to joke with daddy that his short arms and taloned fingers make him look a bit like T-Rex.
All joking aside, Daddy is very handsome, and you are soooo beautiful! Your little face kept popping into view last week, and I just melted- you are a gorgeous baby girl! When I look at you and Sonya, I see all the best parts of your Daddy. I am so happy that you not only look like him, but that you have the patience, self-confidence, and determination that he has as well. I am convinced that nothing is impossible for you.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Little Angel
"Angels speak by the power of the holy ghost, wherefore, they speak the words of Christ."
I have always had this idea, if angels really do watch over us and teach us, that they would be our great-grandmas and grandpas, maybe even the kids we will have someday. Sometimes, I treat you like my own personal angel. I hope that is OK...I ask you lots of questions, especially late at night when you keep me up with your wiggles. I feel like you are an expert in certain things. Much like how people ask Mommy cooking questions, and Daddy about computers, and Sonya about making friends, I ask you about the things of the spirit. I imagine that, like all new babies, you have recently studied at the feet of Jesus. You love to tell me about Him, and share with me the things He has taught you.
When we first found out you might be sick, I asked you to help me understand the difference between faith and hope. See, it just didn't feel right to 'have faith' that you were going to be healthy and strong. When I prayed to Heavenly Father, I tried to ask Him to heal you- I tried to ask for miracles, but I wasn't very good at it. Those prayers would always change into pleadings to make me strong, and to know what you needed from me as a mommy. I felt a little bit guilty after these prayers, like maybe my faith just wasn't big enough to move mountains.
I don't feel that way anymore; I feel peace that everything is going to be OK. Not that I believe that your body will be healed, and you will get to run and jump and play like other babies...but rather, in the end, everything will be made right. You reminded me of the story of Jesus and His friend Lazarus. Lazarus died and was put in the cemetery. When Jesus came, he saw his friend's sisters and everyone crying, and he cried too. He cried because he loved his friend so much. It's such a good story because we know that in only minutes, Jesus makes his friend come alive again, and everyone is so happy. I think he knew that would happen a long time before he came to the grave or started to cry. And I think, even now, he loves all his friends enough to cry with them when they are sad...even though he knows for sure that everything is going to be OK. That's one part of hope. It's not like wishful thinking at all, it is a strong belief that He who knows the end from the beginning walks along side us...mourns when we mourn, and comforts us when we need comfort.
Faith is the 'substance of those things hoped for, and the evidence' that we trust Him. You have taught me that I can have the greatest faith by acting on that hope and walking forward, even if there seems to be a mountain in the way. The big mountain might move because all things really are possible, but if not, we walk anyway. And we walk with a perfect companion. I know that you trust Jesus very much. He is your most favorite friend, and you want me to have both faith and hope in Him. It's a bit funny- sometimes you like to take these teaching moments a bit further, and tell me extra things. You actually used my question about faith and hope, to tell me all about what charity means. I will save my description of that angel lesson for later. You are a very good teacher, and very patient with me. Sometimes it feels like I am the little kid and you are the grown-up.
I have always had this idea, if angels really do watch over us and teach us, that they would be our great-grandmas and grandpas, maybe even the kids we will have someday. Sometimes, I treat you like my own personal angel. I hope that is OK...I ask you lots of questions, especially late at night when you keep me up with your wiggles. I feel like you are an expert in certain things. Much like how people ask Mommy cooking questions, and Daddy about computers, and Sonya about making friends, I ask you about the things of the spirit. I imagine that, like all new babies, you have recently studied at the feet of Jesus. You love to tell me about Him, and share with me the things He has taught you.
When we first found out you might be sick, I asked you to help me understand the difference between faith and hope. See, it just didn't feel right to 'have faith' that you were going to be healthy and strong. When I prayed to Heavenly Father, I tried to ask Him to heal you- I tried to ask for miracles, but I wasn't very good at it. Those prayers would always change into pleadings to make me strong, and to know what you needed from me as a mommy. I felt a little bit guilty after these prayers, like maybe my faith just wasn't big enough to move mountains.
I don't feel that way anymore; I feel peace that everything is going to be OK. Not that I believe that your body will be healed, and you will get to run and jump and play like other babies...but rather, in the end, everything will be made right. You reminded me of the story of Jesus and His friend Lazarus. Lazarus died and was put in the cemetery. When Jesus came, he saw his friend's sisters and everyone crying, and he cried too. He cried because he loved his friend so much. It's such a good story because we know that in only minutes, Jesus makes his friend come alive again, and everyone is so happy. I think he knew that would happen a long time before he came to the grave or started to cry. And I think, even now, he loves all his friends enough to cry with them when they are sad...even though he knows for sure that everything is going to be OK. That's one part of hope. It's not like wishful thinking at all, it is a strong belief that He who knows the end from the beginning walks along side us...mourns when we mourn, and comforts us when we need comfort.
Faith is the 'substance of those things hoped for, and the evidence' that we trust Him. You have taught me that I can have the greatest faith by acting on that hope and walking forward, even if there seems to be a mountain in the way. The big mountain might move because all things really are possible, but if not, we walk anyway. And we walk with a perfect companion. I know that you trust Jesus very much. He is your most favorite friend, and you want me to have both faith and hope in Him. It's a bit funny- sometimes you like to take these teaching moments a bit further, and tell me extra things. You actually used my question about faith and hope, to tell me all about what charity means. I will save my description of that angel lesson for later. You are a very good teacher, and very patient with me. Sometimes it feels like I am the little kid and you are the grown-up.
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