From Your Father

Dear Miah,

Your mother has been writing letters to you for a while now, and while I am not as diligent as her, I needed you to know your father loves you.

Pregnancy is never easy on your mother, but she is so brave and I admire her so much for her positive attitude throughout her trials. Your mom was sick with you for four months at the beginning and is now so uncomfortable. With your big sister, she couldn't wait for it to be over. With you Miah, mom doesn't want this pregnancy to end. She is still very uncomfortable and doesn't enjoy the constant trips to the toilet or the difficulty sleeping. On the other hand, she realizes that when you are born, she won't get to spend much time with you. Given these two choices, constant discomfort or losing you, I believe that she would choose the discomfort.

Unfortunately for your mother, that is not the way it works, and we will get to meet you in a couple of weeks. I am really excited for that day. I don't have near the same connection with you. Whenever your mother says you are wiggling a lot inside her and I put my hand where you are, you stop. You are very shy when it comes to someone other than your mother. I look forward to finally meeting you and holding you.

I realize that you will be with us for just a short while, but it is much better than no time at all. One of my nightmares is having to bury one of my own children, and it looks like this will be the case. The Plan of Salvation teaches me that I will see you again and get to be with you. You must be a very important person to be needed immediately back in Heavenly Father's presence. Deep down I know this to be true and I am flattered that you chose me to be your father. I lost my birth mother when I was five years old and I know she will be waiting for you when you pass through the veil.

The range of emotions I've gone through during this pregnancy of yours have been wild. I was so excited when I found out you were conceived. Sonya is such a joy and I had no doubt you would be the same. When we went to the doctor for your first ultrasound at 12 weeks, I was excited. As it progressed and the technician became more and more somber, I remained optimistic. While your mom worried, I decided I would assume everything was OK until we heard back from the test results. When you were diagnosed with your condition, I took it a lot harder than your mother. She had been preparing for bad news. I had not. I cried with her as we absorbed the shock of it all.

The next emotion was one of relief. This was a mixed bag and your mother wasn't a big fan of it. I was relieved to know what was going on and to be able to prepare for something with some kind of certainty, even if it wasn't the thing I wanted. I was relieved that you wouldn't have to suffer for long and that you would have a short life knowing that you have a loving family. I was relieved that Sonya would not get neglected as often happens when a child with a disability comes into a family. This last relief was a little selfish as I also didn't know how I would hold up either.

We didn't hide the news. Due to your mother's cake business, we had to share it with her clients. After all, we could have lost you at anytime. You are so strong though. Here you are two weeks from birth and you are doing really well. We also shared it with our families and friends. Many prayers have been given on your behalf by all these people and you are well loved.

The view of the medical community has surprised me a little and not in a good way. Your mother didn't hesitate when we found out about your condition. Although the doctors basically asked us to terminate this pregnancy, your mother and I didn't flinch. We were going to keep you as long as you needed to be on this earth. The doctors used terms such as "non-viable" and "danger to health of the mother" to try to persuade us to end this pregnancy and aren't willing to intervene if your health is in danger. It is almost as if they don't see you as a person. Your mother and I know that you are indeed a very important person and just like all of our children, we would sacrifice much for you.

Mostly though Miah, I need you to know that I am proud of you for choosing to come to this earth, humbled to be your father, and excited to finally meet you. You have already touched our little family and you will be remembered as long as your mother and I breathe.

I love you.

Dad